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WISE OLD OWL

 

PERSONAL ADVICE PAGES

There can come times in all our lives when we all need a little help,

 it is in no way a sign of personal failure or a sign of weakness.

If we had a problem with our home we would not hesitate to ask the expert advice of a builder, plumber or electrician, so it should be the same with us when things feel they are on top of us and we do not know what way to turn.

DON'T HESITATE  -  ASK FOR HELP!

 

 

Sometimes it can be really hard to ask others for help or advice, and sometimes the situation itself can prevent it,  but there are highly trained people and agencies out there who can help you discreetly and ensure your safety.

Talk to a professional who can give you the best advice, they also have the contacts and know how to help you best.

 

We all need help sometimes!

 

The pages below only offer advice on how to get professional help,

 It does not replace the need or importance of getting professional help.

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Calling for help   Addiction
Abuse & Bullying   Anxiety & Depression
Clare's Law   Dementia
Police Pegasus Scheme   Anorexia
Bereavement   Autism
Death & Dying    
     
     

 

 

 

CALLING FOR EMERGENCY ASSISTANCE

 

There are various articles broadcast across the Internet and Social Media such as Facebook with misleading information.

These articles refer to calling for the Emergency Services in times of danger when you can not speak to an operator, stating that if you dial 999 and then follow by dialling 55 the operator will immediately be able to trace your location. This is not true!

The technology we now use in the form of mobile phones and computerised gadgets can make this possible, but the system is not yet in use!

 

If you are in a dangerous situation and you are unable to talk, e.g. an intruder is in your home or you are at risk from an abusive partner,

Dial 999

When connected to the operator it is suggested that you cough to alert the operator that it is not an accidental call.

The operator may give you other commands to confirm you need assistance, so listen carefully.

 

Credit to:  Emergency Services News. (facebook)

There is a rumour circulating on the internet at the moment, alleging that if you dial ’55’ during an emergency call, then the emergency services will be able to ‘track’ your current location.

We have also had quite a few people messaging us, asking if this ‘feature’ of being tracked during a 999 call is actually something that can/could happen.

This information is wrong.

Whilst it is a great idea, and current technology COULD enable this to happen, it is not currently a function that is ‘live’.

Accidental 999 calls happen all the time, but operators may be unable to tell if a silent call can actually be a real call for help.

The emergency services receive millions of calls every year, most of which result in a request being made for emergency services such as police, fire or ambulance to attend.

But, around 30 million calls a year do not follow the usual pattern, with no one speaking on the call.

However, The Home Office has (or at least it did as of July this year) had a system in place called Silent Solutions, which helps callers, such as domestic abuse victims, who cannot speak to an operator.

If you have been able to signal that your call is an emergency by coughing after dialling 999, then you will be put through to the police.

If you are in danger, you could be asked to dial “55” or to give any other indication whist on the line, otherwise the call could be terminated.

Dialling ’55’ is just one example and the control room staff could ask you to dial any numbers.

But, in summary, dialling ’55’ during a 999 call will not enable the emergency services to track your location. 

If you make a 999 call but you are not able to speak, say, for example, someone is in your house, then the 999 control room will give you instructions in order to indicate to them that you are in need of help and that the call has not been made in error.

Generally any sort of sound that the BT operator is not sure about will result in the passing the call to the Police, even if the caller hangs up for whatever reason before they are connected.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

POLICE PEGASUS SCHEME

 

 

If you have communication difficulties, Dyfed-Powys Police can make things easier for you with their Pegasus Scheme.

This innovative scheme makes it easier to contact and communicate with Police quickly and easily by telephone or face to face.

After registration members are issued with a Pegasus Key-Fob and a password.

The caller will only have to say the word 'Pegasus' and give their password to be identified by the officer or call handler's who will have access to that persons information, including details on how best to communicate with that person.

The user is also supplied with a Pegasus Key-Fob to carry, then if they are approached by Police officers or PCSO's and find it difficult to communicate then they just have to show the key-fob and tell the officers their password to enable them to receive help. 

 

How to apply

Email Dyfed-Powys Police, marking your email 'Pegasus Application'.

ContactCentre@Dyfed-Powys.pnn.police.uk

or apply by post to the address below.

Dyfed Powys Police 
Force Communications Centre
PO Box 99 
Llangunnor 
Carmarthen 
SA31 2PF

 

 

 

 

 

Anxiety & Depression

Life can be stressful at the best of times, but sometimes that level of stress increases to such a level we find it hard to cope with, we then become anxious and worry about things so much it begins to effect our normal day to day life. Stress can creep up silently on even the most strongest of us, catching us totally unawares.

Think of stress as a bowl in your kitchen sink, that old leaking tap has been dripping away in to it for years, on a good day some of the water may evaporate and the level go down, on a bad day it may drip a little faster... It may take a very long time, but one day the level will reach the top and suddenly overflow, and this maybe the first time we become fully aware of it!

Anxiety & Depression can have a tremendous effect on our health; mental health and well-being, triggering other illnesses that can at times even hide the true cause. It can take over our thoughts and become the only thing we are able to think about, causing not just problems for ourselves but also to those close around us.

Below are a few typical signs which may alert you to depression, they are just a guide and not a full list as everyone is affected differently.  If you have some or all of these symptoms then get medical help immediately from your Doctor, he can also arrange counselling and outside help from the many agencies who specialise in this field and who will help you find new ways to cope and try to help you reduce the causes.

 

 

Restlessness or Agitation.

Irritable and/or Impatient.

Avoiding meeting people, avoiding social events.

Avoiding shopping, not going to appointments or to work.

Loss of enjoyment of things you usually really enjoy.

Repetitive thoughts and/or lack of concentration.

Panic attacks, dizziness; shortness of breath.

Fear of being in groups or busy / noisy environments.

Feeling of helplessness.

Feeling of Numbness; emptiness; despair.

Unexplainable tearfulness.

Loss of interest in sex.

Feeling of isolation.

Self-Harming.

Unable to get sufficient sleep.

Over-Sleeping.

Vivid and upsetting nightmares.

Feeling constantly tired, lack of energy.

Physical aches and pains.

Sweating; dizziness; headaches.

Over-Eating and weight gain.

Loss of appetite and weight loss.

Increased dependence on alcohol; tobacco; drugs or medications.

Thoughts of suicide.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DEFINITION:

The Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme (DVDS) enables people to apply for information about their partner’s (or ex-partner’s) history if they’re concerned about their own safety. It also enables a concerned family member, friend, neighbour or colleague to apply for that information to protect someone they believe to be at risk of harm.

 

 

Sussex Police is carrying out a social media campaign to raise awareness of 'Clare’s Law'. 

But this needs to be made aware to the whole of the UK!

 

The Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme (DVDS) enables people to apply for information about their partner’s (or ex-partner’s) history if they’re concerned about their own safety. It also enables a concerned family member, friend, neighbour or colleague to apply for that information to protect someone they believe to be at risk of harm. 

A disclosure means sharing specific information about a partner for the purposes of protecting the person in a relationship with them from domestic violence, and is known as a ‘Right to Ask’ disclosure.  

Acting Detective Inspector Daniel Dugan said: “Sometimes people worry their partner might have a history of abuse - there may be signs to indicate that person may have been abusive in the past, or they just have a gut feeling that their relationship could be dangerous. Clare’s Law enables that person, or anyone else who may be concerned, to find out for sure – and anyone can ask for this potentially life-saving information.

“It can help people make an informed decision about whether to continue with a relationship that could become violent or dangerous, and provides support when making that choice. 

“This relatively underused tool that can help protect people at risk of abuse. With better awareness, we hope the disclosures will prevent people from becoming victims at the hands of abusers."

Police and statutory partners may also disclose information to an individual even if they haven’t asked, if they believe someone to be at risk, which is known as ‘Right to Know’.

The scheme is known as Clare’s Law because it  was introduced  across the country in 2014, following the murder of Clare Wood in 2009 by an ex-partner. Tragically Clare was strangled and set on fire at her home in Salford, Greater Manchester, in February 2009 by George Appleton, who had a record of violence against women. 

Her family, who campaigned for the introduction of Clare's Law, are convinced she would still be alive had she known the full extent of her partner’s previous behaviour.

Danny Dugan said “We work closely with other agencies to identify those who may be at risk. Disclosures are also made to those that don’t ask for one, if we are made aware of information from police or partners that indicates a person may be at risk of harm from their partner or ex-partner. 

“We are working to increase awareness in the community. Posters and booklets are being circulated to all doctors' surgeries and Citizens Advice Centres across Sussex to provide guidance and to encourage people to make an application if they have concerns about their relationship, or someone they know. These are also available on the Sussex Police website.

Sussex Police and Crime Commissioner, Katy Bourne, said; "I wholeheartedly support this Clare’s Law awareness campaign because not enough people know they have the right to know if their partner has a history of domestic abuse or violence.

"Abusers and stalkers can be highly adept at hiding their past and, as we know from too many tragic cases, the realisation of a partner’s true nature often comes too late.

"I urge anybody in any doubt about a partner, or that of a family member, to make an application for a disclosure.

"I completely understand that some people might see this step as a lack of trust with the person they want to trust completely but, if you feel that somebody isn’t right for you, please trust your instincts…you are probably right."

 

To make a Clare’s Law application contact Sussex Police: 
• Visit a police station or speak to any officer 
• Email 101@sussex.pnn.police.uk 
  Phone 101

But if you believe that you or someone else is in immediate danger, always call 999. 

 

Signs of Domestic Abuse:

Domestic abuse (also known as domestic violence) may include:-

 
Emotional abuse.

 Name calling, continual criticism, humiliation, withholding affection.
 

Isolation.

Controlling where someone goes or who they talk to, trapping someone in their own home, acting in a jealous or     possessive way. 
 

Intimidation or threats.

Smashing or throwing things when angry, threatening to hurt children, pets or themselves. 
 

Economic abuse.

Giving someone an allowance, refusing to share money, not letting someone work. 

 

Control.

Taking ‘privileges’ away, making someone ask permission. 


Physical violence.

Pushing, slapping, biting, kicking or choking.

Includes using an object or weapon to hurt someone or driving recklessly to scare them. 

 

Sexual abuse.

Holding someone down during sex, forcing them to behave or dress in a sexual way.

 

 

credit for the above information on Clare's Law goes to Sussex Police

 

 

DYFED-POWYS POLICE

Clare's Law Information Page

 

COERCIVE BEHAVIOUR

Coercive Control became a crime in 2015

It's defined as:

Controlling behaviour that has a "serious effect" on a partner, causing them to fear violence at least twice or causing them serious distress.

Domestic abuse has no age or gender limits, and controlling behaviours can affect everyone.

Examples of Coercive Control Behaviour

  • Being stopped from working or going to school/college/university
  • Having money taken away or controlled
  • Being isolated from friends and family
  • Having access to food, drinks and day-to-day products restricted
  • Having their social media accounts monitored or controlled
  • Being told what they should wear
  • Being threatened with violence if they do not behave in a certain way
  • Having threats made to loved ones or pets

 

 

Click to see

BBC News article on Coercive Behaviour.

 

 

CONTACT NUMBERS

Victim Support – 0300 303 0554  Men’s Advice Line – 0808 801 0327 
National Domestic Abuse Helpline – 0800 200 0247 National Stalking Helpline – 0808 802 0300 
Paladin Service: National Stalking Advocacy Service –020 3866 4107
 
 

 

 

 

 

 

ABUSE & BULLYING

 

YES BULLYING IS ABUSE!

 

DEFINITION:

Abuse is anything that is harmful, injurous, or offensive. Including excessive wrongful misuse of a substance.

There are several major types of abuse:

Physical, Sexual, Financial, Racial, Emotional, Substance, Neglect.

 

Abuse, whether done intentionally or unintentionally, can have Life long lasting and very damaging effects.

It is never too late to ask for help and support.

Despite popular misconception, sexual or physical abuse is not the most common form of abuse

The biggest form of abuse is:-

NEGLECT !

 

School Bullying

For far too many years, bullying within Schools was brushed aside by teachers as being 'Just kids playing', with an uncaring attitude of ignore it and it may go away.

Some Parents and Teacher's who grew up in the post war culture took the appalling 'pre-soldier' attitude towards bullying, in that it didn't hurt and was 'Character Building', that it was normal and just part of the process of growing up, accompanied by a few ill informed statements of 'It will make a man of you!' or something similar, then it was ignored and no further action taken.

At last bullying is being taken seriously, the post war attitudes have faded although have not gone completely, and Schools have now introduced anti-bullying policies which are helping to reduce the amount of bullying.

Policies alone however do not stop it, it takes the understanding of teaching staff, parents and other pupils, it takes observance and the freedom and ability to act upon it that makes the difference.

Bullying is not just a form of physical abuse, it can also be in many other forms, sometimes many at the same time.

Just because your child has no bruises or physical signs of being abused do not brush the subject aside, they could be suffering internally from Emotional abuse; Financial abuse; Racial abuse or Substance abuse. 

 

 

Bullying is Ageless.

Bullying is not just limited to young children in the school playground, it can happen to any age from a new born Baby to a Great-Great- Grandparent.

It can happen in many places, at Home from family members or family friends, within groups or at the workplace, even in retirement homes and residential complexes.  It can happen to anyone anywhere!

Similarly those who abuse can be of any age, it is not limited to similar age groups, and more an more cases are coming to light of young children even as young as three years old bullying their own parents or the elderly.

 

Long Term Effects:

Bullying can have lasting or even permanent effect on the victim's life, it does not always end for them when the bullying is stopped, the emotional effects caused by bullying can continue throughout their life and can have a direct influence on personal development and the working life of the individual, and can even change their character. Some will become timid; suppressed; fearful; anxious; depressed, be pushed into Anorexia or Bulimia, or suffer from mental illnesses. To a few others it can push them to become bullies themselves.

The old 'Character building / toughing up process' attitude only promoted bullying, it gave the bullies a 'get out of jail free' card, it let them off and stopped them realising the damage they were causing, making them think it was OK to continue. It also did little to set a role model for life and many continue to bully throughout the rest of their lives in relationships and marriages; and in work environments causing pain or grief to others, only their victims change!

Social situations can sometimes set limitations, and these can then influence if not generate bullying or abuse. Financial hardship for instance from unemployment or through illness can induce the need to make do with lower grade housing; lack of suitable food; and can limit or even prevent the ability for parents to buy clothing / equipment / toys / computers etc., that match those of their peers. Although this is not intentionally done by parents, it is important for them to be observant for abuse this can cause, and also be careful with their own actions so they do not 'add fuel to the fire' and create the possibility of bullying and abuse.

Many of us, if not all, will have endured or experienced some form of abuse throughout our life, some may even still be accepting it as 'Normal Behaviour'. It is important that everybody children and adults, understand not just the types of abuse, but how they can have have lifelong damaging effects, and become observant and pro-active against abuse so that we may reduce if not eliminate any abuse that comes our way or towards others we know.

 

 

There are many forms of abuse, each has it's own causes; effects and possible ways of easing the situation,  I say 'ease' and not 'cure', as although the abuse may be stopped, the past can not be changed or erased, and the effects it has on the victim can not be totally removed. The only thing possible through help and support is to help the victim find new coping mechanisms, and to create new ways of dealing with the situation and lessening some of the long term effects it has created.